Someone stole my lighter
by YonderB
Summary: John's lighter has disappeared and he's frantic. can the lighter be found before he tears the place apart? read and find out. series of four drabbles.
1. Her?

"_BOBBY_!"

Bobby growled and poked his head out of his sheets. It was 7 am, and John was screaming about something.

Wonderful.

"SOMEONE _STOLE_ MY _LIGHTER_!"

Bobby raised his eyebrows.

John was wide-eyed, with a crazy glint in them, merely wearing a pair of baggy pants. He had probably been half-through getting dressed and noticed his beloved piece of metal and flammable liquid was gone.

"I GOTTA FIND HER!" shouted John before running out the room at the fastest velocity possible.

Bobby was bewildered.

"... '_Her_'?"

((TBC. this is a simple, short, trying-to-be-funny drabble fic. four drabbles, and the story is finished. yes, i like writing short things, and, please, don't review saying it was too short. i prefer things to be short and sweet, other than long and boring. anyway, the point of a drabble is it's supposed to be short, right? ... yeah. i don't know either. anyway, i hope this drabble-fic gives you a giggle or two.))


	2. dating a guy?

Bobby had gotten dressed at his own pace, then walked downstairs, looking for John.

He found John tearing through the kitchen, quite a few girls staring lustfully at his naked top-half from the doorway.

"Come on, man. You can get another lighter some other time." Bobby sighed from the doorway, the girls mumbling and stalking away.

"_NO_!" shouted John, who whirled around, holding a butchers' knife, since he was going through the knife drawer a second before.

Bobby paled ever so slightly, watching the blade of the knife.

"I don't _want_ another lighter! She was my _favorite_! And i loved the movie _Jaws_! They stopped making those lighters _ages_ ago! I want _her_! And _only_ her!" John shouted, waving the butchers' knife threateningly, advancing on Bobby.

"What's goin' on here, ladies?" asked Logan, nudging past Bobby and looking curiously at John's knife.

"SOMEONE _STOLE_ HER!" John screamed, dropping the knife and running up to Logan, grabbing him by the shirt. "SOMEONE STOLE _HER_!"

Logan looked over at Bobby with a raised eyebrow. "I never knew the kid was dating a girl."

"He isn't..." Bobby said sheepishly.

"He's dating a _guy_?"

"SOMEONE STOLE HER, DAMMIT!"

John screamed, shoving himself away from Logan, darting off to wreak havoc somewhere else in looking for his lighter.

((TBC. yes. aaaah, yes. the homosexuality jokes. gotta love those! don't mind me. i love the occasional gay guy, and i love slash... or yaoi... or shounen-ai... or whatever you call it now-adays! ... man, i'm making myself sound old.))


	3. i can't wait

Rogue, Kitty and Jubilee were happily colour-coding their closets, wearing nothing but tank-tops and underwear, while Siryn got changed.

Yes. Laugh evilly now. I'll wait...

... Break's over.

"LEMME IN!" came John's shout from outside the door, pounding his fist on it.

"Wait your turn, sugar!" Jubilee called through the door.

"I CAN'T _WAIT_!"

Rogue, Kitty and Jubilee exchanged looks.

"Why?" Rogue shouted through the door.

"SOMEONE _STOLE_ HER!" John screamed, pounding on the door, then he noticed the door had a door handle.

Of course! Why doesn't he check if it's _locked_ first?

Kitty was about to yell something to John, when the door suddenly swung open, a topless John standing there.

For a few moments, time stood still. John stood there with a raised eyebrow, surveying Rogue, Kitty and Jubilee, then he noticed Siryn.

John then said the only thing that could come into his mind at that time;

"... Oh _shit_."

Storm cursed under her breath as she clapped her hands over her ears, Siryn's deafeningly loud screams echoing throughout the mansion, and the sound of a certain someone running full-pelt from the girls' room, screaming very colourful, and very elaborate words on his way, added to the mix.

((TBC. short, to the point. next chapter is the last chapter, and for those who have been waiting, yes. it's longer. i thank you all for those who have enough grey-matter spare to be able to read this without your brain turning to poop and leaking out your ears. arg! you lucky people::shakes her fist: ))


	4. you didn't

Bobby sat at the dinner table, glancing at his watch.

It was just past noon. Which means; John has been wreaking havoc for over four hours, and still hasn't found his lighter.

Yay.

So far, John had burst in unintentionally in the girls' showers, nearly made Ms. Jean blow up the chemistry lab by bursting in on her while she was using a bunsen burner, 'accidentally' gone into the girls' showers again, the girls nearly giving him a black eye to remember them by, and had nearly caused the professor to be bushed down the stairs, out the door and into the lake.

Someone needed to find that lighter. And _quick_. The world will not last another four hours.

The whole school piped in to search every nook and cranny of the mansion, so long as the x-men contained Pyro just so he won't cause more damage.

The professor, Jean, Ororo, Scott, Kurt, Logan, Bobby and Rogue sat in a circle, the couches placed that way, John sitting on one of the recliner chairs in the circle, his hands together, his legs together, his eyes glimmering with lunacy.

Bobby stared at John. His legs seemed to be shaking and he continuously wringing his hands as though for something to do.

Kurt was the first one to say anything, as a thick silence had settled on everyone's heads. "Vhy don't ve do something?"

"You're right. I'll look for her." John said immediately, standing up.

"_NO_!"

John blinked around at everyone, since everyone had answered in unison. "Why not? I need to find her! Why do you want me to stay here?"

"John, i want you to try and _relax_." sighed the Professor, finding this heavy stress was getting to him, even if it wasn't _his_ stress.

John slumped back onto the recliner, wringing his hands again, tapping his heels together like in 'the wizard of oz', before getting up and walking around in tight little figure-eights on the other side of the room.

Kurt looked over at Ororo and she smiled, patting his arm reassuringly.

"This really isn't getting anywhere." sighed Scott, his hand linked with Jean's.

"What exactly are we looking for, again? If it's a girl... Or a guy... Wouldn't they be easy to find?" asked Logan.

"What the _hell_ are you going on about, Logan?" groaned Scott.

"What are we supposed to be looking for, one-eye?" Logan sighed, sending a glower in Scott's general direction.

"John thinks someone stole his lighter." sighed Bobby.

"The one with the shark on it?" asked Logan.

"Yes." nodded Rogue.

Logan's face went completely and utterly blank, and all of the x-men wondered what happened but soon, a slow, sheepish smile came over Logan's feral features.

"Don't tell me..." muttered Jean, looking pained.

"You _didn't_..." the professor said slowly.

Logan dug around in his pocket and flicked out a silver, shark lighter.

"Mine ran out of gas." Logan shrugged. "And i needed a smoke, so what else was i supposed to use?"

Bobby looked over at John, who had frozen, his eyes wide, and fixed on his lighter, which was in Logan's possession.

"... Logan..." Bobby said slowly.

"Yeah, kid?"

"I'd run _really_ fast if i were you..."

"But you're _not_ me, are you...?"

"No, _seriously_."

"MY _LIGHTER_!"

"HOLY FUCKING--"

_zoom_

"GET BACK HERE WITH MY LIGHTER!"

_zoom_

All four of x-men and the three x-women looked at each other.

There was a crash, numerous screams, a yell and the sound of facial-hair burning.

"_NOT_ THE MUTTON-CHOPS!"

"SUCKED IN, YOU _LIGHTER-STEALING-BASTARD_!"

_shouk_

John screamed and the dogs of hell were after him, their adamantiam claws and all.

((END. thank you for reading my mentally-desturbing fanfiction, and yes, i know, it was too short. please, no flames, and don't take this fanfiction seriously. thank you everyone, and i hope you're not mentally scarred by this. if you aren't, i'll have to work harder next time, won't i? XD))


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